Okay straight boys, what's up with this?

Now, I'm as about as understanding of men as any lesbian you'll meet. No, really, I am. After spending 25 years trying to convince myself I found males physically attractive, you can clearly see that I *obviously* got along with men to some degree.

I am NOT a man-hating lesbian, despite the last asshole who posted that repeatedly on my facebook and examiner.com column. I actually like most guys - as long as they can refrain from seeing me as fresh meat.

I mean, let's be honest here. Even most straight girls don't like being viewed as something to be conquered, unless that's a particular fetish of theirs. Most women like - and in fact would prefer - some degree of respect. It's ironic, really. I'll get to that in a minute.

When I was driving a cab, one of the first, and biggest, assholes I ran across was this dreadlocked asshole I picked up at the cab stand on 6th and San Jacinto. His first words were: "I bet I'm not as big an asshole as most of the guys who get in your cab!"

He then proceeded to prove himself horribly wrong.

His argument was one of tunnel vision: I couldn't possibly be gay, because evolution argued against it. Never mind the fact I had already managed to have 4 kids in heterosexual relationships. I just couldn't be gay. According to him.

We went through this for a good twenty minutes before I pulled over on Highway 71 and told him to get the fuck outta my cab. Had I had more experience, I would have just called the cops on him, but I was still a newbie. But he wasn't the last obnoxious straight guy who questioned my sexuality.

Now, bear in mind, I'm pretty visibly gay. I can only imagine what gay girls who look like any other girl go through once people learn they're gay. But what these people just don't grasp is how horribly insulting that is. When you are gay, growing up in a heteronormative society, you are constantly exposed to the idea that heterosexuality is the "norm."

Imagine, for a moment, that you are gay. You see couples, male and female, all the time. Families consist of men and women. Marriages consist of men and women. You are TAUGHT that the norm is male/female. But you're a boy who likes boys, or a girls who likes girls. Where the hell do you fit in?

Well, in heteronormative society, you don't. There is no place for you in the "traditional" family. You're different. If society were predominately Gay - then the hetero people would have the same issue. But since society is primarily heterosexual, YOU are different. And it takes GREAT courage to come out of the closet under those terms. Bless the girls and boys who understood that early on, but truth-be-told, a lot of us don't 'get it' until later in life.

It's not easy being gay (yes, I heard the Kermit joke in that too). It's not something we want to hear arguments about "why you should be hetero" or jokes about "that's so gay". You get sick of that shit. You didn't choose to be gay. You are. You know that. You cannot change that.

But when people - both those you've just met, as well as those you know well (including relatives) make comments or jokes like "are you sure?" or "how is that possible?", well, it's just freaking insulting. For me, it's frankly enough to piss me off royally.

I had a friend - I say had, because I deleted him on Facebook this weekend, despite having known him on a mailing list for years - who kept making jokes about lesbians that, frankly, offended the hell out of me. The first "joke" came a couple of months ago. He commented on a post I made about gay marriage. His reply was a long, involved scenario of why lesbians should be able to marry so he could hide in a tree and peep at them as they had sex. It was ludicrous, and I deleted it.

This weekend, I posted a facebook status about my 21-y.o. going downtown for the first time, with her sister and BIL to celebrate her birthday earlier this month. I joked in my first reply to him that I told her sister to "make sure she kisses a girl." He replied with this:

"C'mon, Michelle. Fairness dictates that hetero boys should at least have the opportunity to make asses of themselves before the young lady decides to opt out of the program. Our survival as a species is kinda dependent on adherence to these small, but vital, tacit understandings."

So. That ain't funny. No, not at all. So I deleted it and told him I understood he was just trying to be humorous, but it wasn't. He responded by stating I wasn't the spokesperson for all gay people, and that my daughter could handle the humor better than I could and - get this - that he's on MY SIDE.

Oh, fuck no. Anybody who spouts that shit after what each of us goes through accepting that we are different from "straight" people - oh, hell no. You aren't on my side. You aren't on my kid's side. You are a misogynistic asshole - and deserve to be called out on it.

Word up, guys. If a woman is a lesbian, it is not a personal rejection of your "manhood." It means she prefers girls. It means that is how she's wired. And hostility 'hidden' in humor is not hidden at all. It's fairly obvious.

There's enough misogyny in modern America without this shit. But you know what? This is exactly WHY so many women wind up marrying men when they really want to be with women. It's even more rampant among women than men. Women are trained from birth to heed societal expectations. And men like this just throw it in their faces when they come out of the closet. Trust me, there are a LOT more lesbians out there than you suspect. But most of them are afraid of upsetting the patriarchal cart.

Instead, they post on craigslist when the boys are out of town. Or their husbands find them in bed with a woman when they return home unexpectedly (and yes, I know at least two guys this happened to). Or they finally meet a girl and realize what they've denied for years. Men - grow up. Not every woman wants you. And that's okay. In fact, you're better off accepting it. Why would you want a woman who found sleeping with you repulsive, anyway?

There are plenty of straight or Bi girls out there who will dig you. So grow up, and let the queer girls have their happiness. Trust me, if you could ask my dead husband, he'd agree - it just ain't worth it. Any effort you make to convince someone to be something they aren't is effort wasted. But even worse, it's unfair.

Nobody tried to make you gay, did they? Don't try to make us straight. Live and let live, accept yourself, and accept others. We will all find far more peace that way.

But act like an ass, and boy, expect to be called out on it. Because that shit is misogyny, and it will not be tolerated.