As minuscule as that generally is. However, something more important is on my mind than the issue of Civil Rights in Austin alone. People, individual people, are on my mind right now.
I have made some incredible friends on Facebook - people from all walks of life. Gay, straight, male, female or other - I've just met some incredible people I wouldn't have met without this social networking tool. The fascinating thing to me is that I am SO much better for having met them.
I've been exposed to ideas and attitudes I might not have encountered in real life - probably wouldn't have in Texas. There have been disagreements, yes. People who have even blocked me. But really, they just couldn't handle the fact that I speak what I think, or they had their own shit to deal with and couldn't handle the conflict. And let's face it, I tend to encourage that sort of thing. The rest, and there are far more of those, are able to conduct dialogue. We discuss. We debate. We learn. We learn from each other.
In 1993, when I first got on the internet, there was little to be found. 1200 baud, and nary a snippet of information to be googled - actually, Google wasn't even invented yet. It was frustrating. Mainly because I felt there *should* be more online. So much knowledge, living in SO many heads! Why wasn't it there?!
As you can see, I was impatient. My expectations exceeded the age of the medium. It hadn't "grown up" yet. Apparently, neither had I.
It was a few years before the internet began to grudgingly meet my expectations - not that I helped much. I wanted it now, but it didn't occur to me that I could contribute. Fact is, I wouldn't have known where to begin. I was still figuring out the autoexec.bat file on Windows...I was slightly nerdy - but I wasn't an activist yet.
Then, around 99', I began selling books online. At first it was just looking up books I had cataloged for my FIL's library. But after my FIL died, my almost-late-ex commandeered a lot of his books, and suggested I sell some of them online to make ends meet. I regret that. I loved those books, as well as my FIL Palmer, and the proceeds really should have gone to my late MIL, but that's another nightmare. As I've said in past posts - wait for the memoir.
Anyway, by 99' I was spending a lot more time online. The available info was still marginal. But there were more people. This was mostly mailing lists. But they were interesting, sometimes scary, people. People with ideas I had never really thought about. People who were outspoken, sometimes vitriolic, but always true to themselves. I was in love.
I haven't spent a great deal of time offline since - well, yes, I have had a life, but I never completely lost touch. I discovered a whole new world online. People I could discuss, argue and debate ideas with. Something I seldom encountered in childhood. It was magical to me. Even when I took the brunt of it. It was amazing! You could actually *disagree* with people here. And the sky didn't fall! Even better, you could disagree, and people would STILL talk to you!
The best part, to me, was at some of the most trying points in my life, those people I met online were still there for me. They supported me, and saw me through the worst. I'll never forget that.
And in the years since, I've had the opportunity, no - privilege, of being there for other people. People I had met online. Friends. As well as people just coming out of the closet - some of whom I met in real life as well - and people struggling with family and circumstances. I have been allowed to be a friend. I have been able to be an advocate, as well. I'm incredibly grateful for that. It's why I'm out. And it's part of why I love the net.
And you know, I could do a whole blog on that alone. On how fantastic it is to connect with other people - including people like me - gay people, some of whom have felt oppressed and afraid to be themselves - but as ecstatic as I am to have made their acquaintance, there is so much more to my online experience.
I've met people of all stripes. Straight boys, gay boys, straight girls, gay girls, and prolly a lot of 'tweeners, although I don't pry, so I can't say. But the people I have met have enriched my life. You have each expanded my experience - every one of you. You have helped me understand that there are all kinds of experiences, and none of us should judge them. As the saying goes "walk a mile in my shoes", or something to that effect.
Years ago, when I broke my addiction to the painkillers that saw me through the final 10 years of my last heterosexual marriage, I went to 12-step meetings. Honestly, they drove me nuts, because they're so god-centered, and I'm not. But the sponsor I had there tried to help me understand that we can't judge other people on our experiences. We have to understand theirexperiences. We have to seek to understand, rather than be understood.
Yes, as a gay woman, and parent of a gay child, I want equality for my kind. I demand it. But I also understand the people having trouble accepting it. I don't agree with them, and I think the issue will have to be settled on a Federal level. But I do understand their confusion and anger. I understand WHY they do the stupid things they do. And I feel bad for them. If the tables were reversed, I don't think they would deal nearly as well as we have.
No Christian has EVER been murdered in America because of their faith. Yet these people are deluded into believing they are persecuted, while gay and transgendered people are murdered because of who they are. I could demand that they grow up and face facts, but that wouldn't make it happen. That's why I insist we must have Federal action. We must teach these people their beliefs are wrong. They do not know better, as sad as that is.
But you know, what brought me to this point - rather than raging at the injustice of idiots - is this: people are complicated. The psychology of how we exist is complicated. How we are raised. The societal influences we face - including religion. There is nothing simple about humans. And above all, we are an irrational lot.
I think of it this way: when we are kids we create a lot of concepts, and memories, that really have no relation to reality. That's how kids are. To me, the people who hate on 'the gays' are just people who haven't grown up. Some of them never will, sadly. And that's why we need a Federal law. We need the country to tell EVERYONE that "yes, you do have to accept these people and allow them their rights." It's the only way some of them will learn, sadly.
We pay the same taxes. We're all adults. We deserve the same rights. Seems simple. But if left to the general population, i.e. voters, it's not so simple. We deal with psychology, both in real life and on the net - and especially in the voting booth. But the net has taught me to have far more tolerance than I had in real life. It's given me a greater understanding of people, and where and how to seek my equal rights.
But above all, it's taught me we all have things in common - even when we think we do not. It's taught me to have patience, to seek results where they might realistically be available, and above all, to forgive. I may not like some people, but I can sure as hell have empathy for them - even when they are severely fucked up. But I do not expect them to grant my freedom. I expect my Government to do that. And if it doesn't, well, when the youngest moves out, I'm just going to quit filing taxes and sue the fucking government for failing to represent me.
My kids will visit me :)
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