Mans inhumanity to man...

It's a fact. There is no God in anyone's belief system more cruel and inhumane than human beings can be to each other.

I came to this conclusion a few years ago after participating in a 12-step program that insisted I must have a "god of my understanding." My understanding of reality leaves no room for a god. Yes, I've heard the argument of "free will." I don't buy it. If there truly was a loving god, it wouldn't have created so many people capable of such horrible atrocities. Natural disasters wouldn't wipe out hundreds or thousands of lives at a time. There is no room in my perception of reality for a "loving god with a will" for me.

Now, it was a long road for me from accepting that I do not believe in god, and accepting those who do. But I have managed to develop a reluctant acceptance for those that attempt to force their god down my throat. They believe the things they say, they bought into it early on, I understand that. I understand that it helps them make sense of the injustice in the world. It just doesn't work that way for me.

To me, there is reality, and there is religion. The two don't cross paths in my head. I see the world, and the people in it. I don't see imaginary beings with a benevolent will for me in that world. And there is a damn good reason for that.

Now, this might be indicative of psychopathology on my part, but I read about crime. I seek it out. And I feel for every victim of crime. I cry. Because I don't understand it. Anything I don't understand, I seek to unravel. I *want* to understand why these people do horrible things to other people - mainly because I believe that deep down, there has to be a way to stop people from doing these things. I believe humanity is not meant to demonstrate the kind of cruelty it does, and I want to know *why* people do these things.


Still, it's painful to hear about. Parents killing their kids. Men killing their entire families. No, women don't do that - they will kill their children or themselves, but not their boyfriend or spouse. Look at the cases - it doesn't happen, and I don't know why. Then there's the 15 y.o. in Missouri who killed the 9 y.o. because she "wanted to know what it felt like to kill someone." How does this happen? What goes wrong in the heart or soul or brain of someone capable of indiscriminately taking another life?

There is no shortage of examples of violence of this sort. The mother accused of prostituting her child, who was later found murdered. The psychiatrist who killed 13 at Ft. Hood. Man is capable of abominable violence - even against those you would expect them to love. The man who entered a gym this year and indiscriminately murdered women he didn't even know. Honestly, the list is long and depressing. The last year alone would bring you down.

And I want to understand. I want to fix it. I want to keep it from happening. And I feel so powerless to change it. I wish sometimes that I *could* believe in a god, and blame it all on it's unfathomable will. But I can't. I can't help that I believe people are responsible for these atrocities - not some god. No god I would want on my side would even allow the violence against people that other people have bestowed on them. If I were a god that had created such a people, I would slit my throat. It would be justice.

Every act of violence diminishes us. It takes a life that should have continued. It brings grief on those who love the victim. It sometimes creates even more violence. That's no way to live.

Consequently, I'm torn on the death penalty. Do I condone the death of a human who I really think is less than human? Philosophically, that puts me on their level, no? But I still, deep down, think there are some people so defective and evil that they really should be eliminated. I mean, think about it - prisoners can marry. They can have conjugal visits. I really don't want these people to breed. If what made them what they are was a hard-wired brain issue, I don't want their progeny on my earth.

So, deep down, I do believe in the death penalty. I wouldn't hesitate to kill rats or mice or cockroaches contaminating my home. I view killers with a similar philosophy. Maybe that makes me bad, I don't know. It's hard to say.

But more than anything, I want to understand the mechanisms that make people do these things. Somewhere, there is an etiology. Somewhere, there is a solution. Somehow, we have to find it. I don't care if it violates people's privacy. That's a small fucking price to pay to identify problems before they result in death or abuse. It's like drunk driving - fine, drawing blood might violate your perceived civil rights - but if you are putting other people at risk with your blood alcohol level, why shouldn't you get caught? Especially if it spares someone down the road.

From hate crimes to child abuse and murder, to the senseless death of a friend of a friend - there's no reason to tolerate this. There's no reason not to actively and aggressively seek answers. To attempt to save lives by identifying the diseases and thought processes that lead to this misery and injustice. There just has to be a better way.

To me, we are god. And we must look after ourselves - and each other.