I wish I could say I'm surprised...

But I'm not.

Disappointed? Yes. Offended? Mightily. Still, I'm not surprised. I would have been more surprised if California's Supreme Court *had* done the right thing. Granted, there are apparently a helluva lot of people in this country that think granting the same rights and privileges enjoyed by every heterosexual in this country (including ME when I was closeted) to gay people, is wrong.

And really, I understand the primal fear so many of those people experience. A lot of it is religion-based. Even though more and more religious groups are pointing out that there's not actually anything IN the bible condemning homosexuality. Even though more and more people are starting to realize that nobody would CHOOSE to be gay. It's what we are. We can't change that. I. Have. Tried.

There's also, imho, a large population of gay and bisexual people in those groups who can't accept their own sexuality yet - and fear ostracization. So they lead the fight against "The Gays". Frankly, those fears are based in reality. Because people who belong to far-right, conservative Christian religions are highly intolerant of homosexuality, as well as many other things.

And that's where Harvey Milk hit the nail on the head: COME OUT!!! It's the only way to get people with different points of view to understand who, what, and where we are. Because we are everywhere. And as much as the Christian Right wants us back in the closet, we still exist. We breathe, we bleed, we cry. Especially on days like this.

However, the fact is, a lot of people are afraid to live their life as an openly gay individual. Again, their fears are valid. But the fact is, if we don't come out and live honestly, nothing will change. If we aren't brave enough to confront our own reality, we cannot expect others to recognize that reality.

Harvey Milk understood this. He understood the necessity of unity and group effort. He understood that as long as people thought we'd be quiet, unobtrusive, and "sit in the back of the bus", so-to-speak, that nothing would change. And face it, change didn't even begin until we, the glbt population, got mad. And started objecting to how we were being treated. Just like Rosa Parks, we declined to stand. We wanted a seat, dammit. From the Stonewall Riots, to Milk's assassination and the ridiculously lenient sentence his assassin was given, to the recent activism for Gay Marriage rights.

And the only way we're going to win this battle is if we all stand up together, and demand that our voices be heard. We must demand the same rights and responsibilities we would have if we pretended we were heterosexual. Because without that, we will not be taken seriously. We need a voice.

While it sucks that we have to go to these lengths to be acknowledged as Americans with the same legal standing and the same rights to the legal privileges granted to ANY other person in our country, it is what it is. And we have to deal with that reality. Otherwise, that reality will deal with us - and not favorably.

We have to be strong, and unified, and diligent. We have to act, as a nationwide community. With the help of those who stand with us, even though our plight doesn't directly affect them. We have to work for this. We shouldn't have to, but we do. And the more of us willing to come out of the shade of heterosexual privilege and face the heat of discrimination, the sooner it will happen.

And consider, gay teenagers are FOUR TIMES more likely to attempt suicide than their peers. Is it any wonder why? Between job discrimination, hate crimes, the rejection they face from intolerant friends and family, and the religious pressure most kids deal with, who wouldn't be suicidal? Add to that a near National hatred for your orientation, and who wouldn't feel suicidal in adolescence?

This is something people who are "hiding" need to think about. Because if YOU don't come out, you are validating the fears of these children. You are contributing to their deaths and addictions by telling them it's NOT okay to be who they are. I wouldn't say this if I didn't know there are a LOT of closeted queers out there. I didn't admit I was gay until I was 41. And yes, I didn't *know*. But mainly, I didn't want to admit it.

That, actually, is the paradox. You can't "admit" you're gay, unless you know it for sure. Yet, if you are repressing your orientation out of fear of the reaction of the people you love, your mind will try to protect you from the truth. It's called "denial", or
Don't
Even
Notice
I
Am
Lying.

And it's something a lot of people do. One of my daughters had a flamingly gay friend who didn't come out until High School was over - because his parents were Christian - and he's still not totally out. I've met a number of women who didn't come out until their late20's, 30's and even 40's. Because it's hard to come out. Especially if you feel threatened.

But 'come out' is what we must do. It's our best chance of being treated like worthy human beings. When people can see that ANYONE could be gay - your father, brother, sister, mother - or goddess forbid, your child - then attitudes will change. The secret will be out. People will have an investment in supporting the rights of our gay children who are so vulnerable and need our support so very much.

It's time for a change of attitude. But we need the support of all those closeted people out there to create it. We need to be Out, and Proud. We need not be ashamed of who we are. And we must teach those who love us that they have no need to be ashamed of who we are, either.