I feel like Charlie Brown - just as he realizes Lucy has yanked the football away, yet again.
I think this is called 'despair'.
The landslide election of Obama seemed to portend something hopeful. And I felt hopeful. But when the State of California - California of ALL places! -chose to send the message that I am a Second-Class Citizen, along with every other gay person in America, I lost hope. It was bad enough when Texas did it. And all the other states that have singled us out and refused us the same rights every living, breathing, heterosexual on the whole damn planet has. Even the ones in prison, for crying-out-loud.
But when the State of California granted that right to gay people - then viciously yanked it away - well, it has destroyed my faith in the process of democracy. And what little faith I had in the good intentions of other people. It would appear my initial judgment was correct - most people suck. And in large groups, they just suck harder.
And what really pains me, is that according to exit polls, a large part of what passed Prop 8 were the very voters who put Obama over the top - the African American vote. Followed in racial order by Hispanics and whites. But mainly, it was a decision they based on religion - those who attended church regularly were more likely to vote for the proposition. Those who didn't, voted against. And my ex-sponsor couldn't understand my resentment against organized religion. Of course, he was a Catholic.
But at least I've moved past hating on Gods to hating on people's stupidity. Because that's why I'm sad today. People are just fucking stupid. And inconsiderate as all hell. You'd think after everything the African-American race has been through, they'd have a little tolerance, or at least compassion. But no, they don't. Not for queers, anyway. Not if it violates their religious beliefs. Which, incidentally, don't have a damn thing to do with MY life.
And I know it's not just them - but it is Christianity - I'd bet my pulse on that. All of these individual states that have passed gay-marriage bans targeted their Christian voters to do so. And yet, no one can explain how a same-sex couple being married is going to hurt them - or even directly affect them. No one can explain a VALID reason for subjugating us to Second-Class Citizenship. Because there isn't one. Just as there was no reason to prohibit inter-racial couples from marrying. But they sure as hell tried, years ago.
Legislating morality is central to American Christianity. I can't for the life of me understand why, but it is. I suppose part of it is that need for belonging. And in order to belong to a group, there has to be some definitive difference between the people in that group, and others outside the group. Thus, the sense of belonging. I think they accomplish this by finding a common enemy.
In 12-step programs, which are all about belonging, the enemy is usually drugs and alcohol. In Christianity, it seems to be beliefs, and what they deem 'normal' moral values. And anything that deviates from the group consensus of 'normal' is defined as 'other'. Or, outside the group. And is attacked, for being different, and in their eyes, unacceptable. For many years, the target of this 'otherness' was often ethnic minorities - blacks and Hispanics, specifically. Although, thanks to WWII the Asian population enjoyed a good stint as the object of the general public's ire. And you can bet the fact they weren't considered 'Good Christians' came into play there. Hell, even early Italian and Irish and other immigrants got a taste of this particular brand of Christianity - since they practiced a different brand of Christianity - and thus were different.
Various other targets have been booze - see "Prohibition" -working moms, rock & roll, non-Christian religions, book bans and book burning, and, of course, abortion. I'm sure there are more, but frankly, that's enough. And while my oldest might argue that attitudes are changing - or even that it isn't the religion itself, but individuals who get a hair up their ass in a religious group or family - I have to say I have seen some of the most atrocious behavior from church groups in the last ten years or so than I EVER recall as a child.
Yes, back in the Stone Age they were just pretty much discriminatory across the board - because they could get away with it then. But these days, they have a Cause of the Week. Whether it's a children's book, or Gay Marriage, or some shit on TV, there's always something for these people to get their panties in a wad about.
And my argument is that they do it NOT because their religion dictates this judgmental behavior in any way, shape, or form - but because it gives them something to band together against. Because they need a common enemy. To reinforce their sense of belonging. And they've exhausted most of their options. Therefore, they attack 'The Gays'. And we have been under attack for years now. And it's getting pretty fucking old.
And the WORST part, is that this is a FEDERAL ISSUE. We are being denied protection under the law - the same protection the African-American community avails itself of. And has, for years. The same protection that grants the privilege of marriage to Heterosexuals in the first place. Equal Protection Under The Law. I am not protected under this law because the Christian Right has learned to manipulate the system on a State to State basis. It IS a FEDERAL ISSUE. And the laws are being manipulated by manipulating the voters. And THE CHURCHES are working to manipulate the fucking voters.
But our side is afraid to pursue it as a Federal Issue. Because if we lose, we're screwed. Permanently.
I hate organized religion. With a passion. But I hate the morons who can't fucking think for themselves worse. And yes, hate is a strong word - but put yourself in my shoes for a few YEARS and see if you feel tons of compassion for people who seem to thrive on making you feel like you have the social value of a dog. If that.
I'm angry. And sad. And depressed. And I think America, and the so-called Americans who voted to reduce my rights really, really suck. And quite frankly, I understand now why I wanted to die as a kid. Beyond my fucked-up family - and friends who disappeared when they found out I liked girls. People suck. And people who vote to make me feel disenfranchised suck loudly. And they do nothing to inspire my compassion or patience. If anything, they make me wish I had died. It would have been easier to deal with.
Because trying to 'hang in there' just ain't working for me. Trying to maintain a positive attitude in the face of overt discrimination and incredible American ignorance is not feasible. Granted, it's probably just as crappy anywhere else. But that doesn't make it acceptable.
Fuck this planet. Fuck this country. Fuck Obama. And fuck off.
I am in a mood.
And while I'm sure it will change, just as soon as I adjust to the idea that I am a Second CLASS CITIZEN, right this minute I hate everyone.
I think this is called 'despair'.
The landslide election of Obama seemed to portend something hopeful. And I felt hopeful. But when the State of California - California of ALL places! -chose to send the message that I am a Second-Class Citizen, along with every other gay person in America, I lost hope. It was bad enough when Texas did it. And all the other states that have singled us out and refused us the same rights every living, breathing, heterosexual on the whole damn planet has. Even the ones in prison, for crying-out-loud.
But when the State of California granted that right to gay people - then viciously yanked it away - well, it has destroyed my faith in the process of democracy. And what little faith I had in the good intentions of other people. It would appear my initial judgment was correct - most people suck. And in large groups, they just suck harder.
And what really pains me, is that according to exit polls, a large part of what passed Prop 8 were the very voters who put Obama over the top - the African American vote. Followed in racial order by Hispanics and whites. But mainly, it was a decision they based on religion - those who attended church regularly were more likely to vote for the proposition. Those who didn't, voted against. And my ex-sponsor couldn't understand my resentment against organized religion. Of course, he was a Catholic.
But at least I've moved past hating on Gods to hating on people's stupidity. Because that's why I'm sad today. People are just fucking stupid. And inconsiderate as all hell. You'd think after everything the African-American race has been through, they'd have a little tolerance, or at least compassion. But no, they don't. Not for queers, anyway. Not if it violates their religious beliefs. Which, incidentally, don't have a damn thing to do with MY life.
And I know it's not just them - but it is Christianity - I'd bet my pulse on that. All of these individual states that have passed gay-marriage bans targeted their Christian voters to do so. And yet, no one can explain how a same-sex couple being married is going to hurt them - or even directly affect them. No one can explain a VALID reason for subjugating us to Second-Class Citizenship. Because there isn't one. Just as there was no reason to prohibit inter-racial couples from marrying. But they sure as hell tried, years ago.
Legislating morality is central to American Christianity. I can't for the life of me understand why, but it is. I suppose part of it is that need for belonging. And in order to belong to a group, there has to be some definitive difference between the people in that group, and others outside the group. Thus, the sense of belonging. I think they accomplish this by finding a common enemy.
In 12-step programs, which are all about belonging, the enemy is usually drugs and alcohol. In Christianity, it seems to be beliefs, and what they deem 'normal' moral values. And anything that deviates from the group consensus of 'normal' is defined as 'other'. Or, outside the group. And is attacked, for being different, and in their eyes, unacceptable. For many years, the target of this 'otherness' was often ethnic minorities - blacks and Hispanics, specifically. Although, thanks to WWII the Asian population enjoyed a good stint as the object of the general public's ire. And you can bet the fact they weren't considered 'Good Christians' came into play there. Hell, even early Italian and Irish and other immigrants got a taste of this particular brand of Christianity - since they practiced a different brand of Christianity - and thus were different.
Various other targets have been booze - see "Prohibition" -working moms, rock & roll, non-Christian religions, book bans and book burning, and, of course, abortion. I'm sure there are more, but frankly, that's enough. And while my oldest might argue that attitudes are changing - or even that it isn't the religion itself, but individuals who get a hair up their ass in a religious group or family - I have to say I have seen some of the most atrocious behavior from church groups in the last ten years or so than I EVER recall as a child.
Yes, back in the Stone Age they were just pretty much discriminatory across the board - because they could get away with it then. But these days, they have a Cause of the Week. Whether it's a children's book, or Gay Marriage, or some shit on TV, there's always something for these people to get their panties in a wad about.
And my argument is that they do it NOT because their religion dictates this judgmental behavior in any way, shape, or form - but because it gives them something to band together against. Because they need a common enemy. To reinforce their sense of belonging. And they've exhausted most of their options. Therefore, they attack 'The Gays'. And we have been under attack for years now. And it's getting pretty fucking old.
And the WORST part, is that this is a FEDERAL ISSUE. We are being denied protection under the law - the same protection the African-American community avails itself of. And has, for years. The same protection that grants the privilege of marriage to Heterosexuals in the first place. Equal Protection Under The Law. I am not protected under this law because the Christian Right has learned to manipulate the system on a State to State basis. It IS a FEDERAL ISSUE. And the laws are being manipulated by manipulating the voters. And THE CHURCHES are working to manipulate the fucking voters.
But our side is afraid to pursue it as a Federal Issue. Because if we lose, we're screwed. Permanently.
I hate organized religion. With a passion. But I hate the morons who can't fucking think for themselves worse. And yes, hate is a strong word - but put yourself in my shoes for a few YEARS and see if you feel tons of compassion for people who seem to thrive on making you feel like you have the social value of a dog. If that.
I'm angry. And sad. And depressed. And I think America, and the so-called Americans who voted to reduce my rights really, really suck. And quite frankly, I understand now why I wanted to die as a kid. Beyond my fucked-up family - and friends who disappeared when they found out I liked girls. People suck. And people who vote to make me feel disenfranchised suck loudly. And they do nothing to inspire my compassion or patience. If anything, they make me wish I had died. It would have been easier to deal with.
Because trying to 'hang in there' just ain't working for me. Trying to maintain a positive attitude in the face of overt discrimination and incredible American ignorance is not feasible. Granted, it's probably just as crappy anywhere else. But that doesn't make it acceptable.
Fuck this planet. Fuck this country. Fuck Obama. And fuck off.
I am in a mood.
And while I'm sure it will change, just as soon as I adjust to the idea that I am a Second CLASS CITIZEN, right this minute I hate everyone.
- Mood:Livid
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